There once was a sculptor named Phideous

There once was a sculptor named Phideous

Whose sculptures by most were thought hideous

He carved Aphrodite

Without even a nightie

Which shocked all the fussy fastidious

Natalie Moffitt

There once was this guy named Stan

There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran

Anom

There was a young man who looked like a bee,

There was a young man who looked like a bee,

When buzzing around for all to see,

With hands in the air,

And feet on his chair,

While sipping away on his rosy lee.

Dr Geebers

The was an old man of the isles

The was an old man of the isles

Who suffered severely from pisles

He couldn’t sit down

Without a deep frown

So he had to row standing for misles

Natalie Moffitt 

THERE ONCE WAS A FARMER FROM LEEDS

THERE ONCE WAS A FARMER FROM LEEDS
WHO SWALLOWED A PACKET OF SEEDS
IT SOON CAME TO PASS
HE WAS COVERED WITH GRASS
BUT HAS ALL THE TOMATOES HE NEEDS

Anom

There was a young man out at sea,

There was a young man out at sea,

Who wanted to go for a pee,

So he pulled down his zip,

And let it go rip,

Until a crocodile ate it for tea.

Dr Geebers

A fellow jumped off a high wall

A fellow jumped off a high wall
And had a most terrible fall
He went back to bed
With a bump on his head
That's why you don't jump off a wall

Anom

There was a young man in the mall,

There was a young man in the mall,

Who thought that he knew it all,

When along came a kid,

With a masterful bid,

And kicked him in the head with a ball.

Dr Geebers

There once was a young boy named Nick

There once was a young boy named Nick
Who by chance was always being kicked
He tried not to fight
For he was smart, kind and bright
So he learned how to run really quick

Anom

There once was a man stuck in a stall

There once was a man stuck in a stall
He tried to get out but would fall
One day a man flushed
The fat man just blushed
And quickly ran out of the mall

Anom

I know an old owl named Boo,

I know an old owl named Boo,
Every night he yelled "Hoo,"
Once a kid walked by,
And started to cry,
And yelled "I don't have a clue!"

Anom

Linda Blair with great favour confessed,

Linda Blair with great favour confessed,

She'd been exorcised, thus finding rest,

But alack and alas

Her old demon came back

and now the poor girl's repossessed.

Dick Lamb

The limerick is furtive and mean

The limerick is furtive and mean

You must keep her in close quarantine

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

C Alan Reber

There was a young man in a house,

There was a young man in a house,

Who had an incredible spouse,

When sprouting some wings,

And gobbling at things,

She knew he was after the mouse.

Dr Geebers

An elephant slept in his bunk,

An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored -- how he snored!
All the other beasts roared-
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man in a thong,

There was a young man in a thong,

Who was incredibly strong,

When lifting a weight,

Up nice and straight,

It snapped and showed his ding dong.

Dr Geebers

There was an Old Man in a tree,

There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'

Edward Lear

There was a young man in trouble,

There was a young man in trouble,

Who fell into a pile of rubble,

Then got attacked by some ants,

Who took down his pants,

And stole them on the double.

Dr Geebers

A schoolboy more cheeky than clever

A schoolboy more cheeky than clever
Stroked his teacher to death with a feather.
Though it was a fowl deed,
All the jury agreed,
Were it not for the laughs he’d have never.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man on a bike,

There was a young man on a bike,

Or was it a three wheeled trike,

Who flew down the road,

And hit a poor toad,

And ended up impaled on a spike.

Dr Geebers

There was a young fellow named Flynn

There was a young fellow named Flynn
Who was really remarkably thin.
When he carried a pole
People said, “Bless my soul!
What a shock to find out you’ve a twin.”

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man in a boat,

There was a young man in a boat,

Who wanted to keep it a float,

So he made it some wings,

From branches and things,

Then tied it to his coat.

Dr Geebers

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey, Who made a remarkable curtsey; She twirled round and round, Till she sunk underground, Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

 

Edward Lear

A circus performer named Brian

A circus performer named Brian
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.

GrahamLester.com

There was an Old Man with a gong,

There was an Old Man with a gong, Who bumped at it all day long; But they called out, 'O law! You're a horrid old bore!' So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

 

Edward Lear

There was a young man in a plane,

There was a young man in a plane,

Who lost control of his brain,

When turning right,

He got a fright,

When a bird did something insane.

By Dr Geebers

There was an Old Person of Chili,

There was an Old Person of Chili, Whose conduct was painful and silly, He sate on the stairs, Eating apples and pears, That imprudent Old Person of Chili. Edward Lear

There was a young man from the moon,

There was a young man from the moon,

Who came down in a hot air balloon,

Until he got closer,

To a stupid bulldozer,

And got ate by a crazy baboon.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man from Leeds,

There was a young man from Leeds,

Who fed his monkey with weeds,

Along with bananas,

And wrinkled sultanas,

But he never spanked him he pleads.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man from Japan,

There was a young man from Japan,

Who really didn't give a dam,

When seeing a ghost,

Upon his toast,

He ran and ran and ran.

By r Geebers

A native of Chalamazug

A native of Chalamazug
Once fell overboard from a tug.
He cried, “Ding-dong boller
Doo jango zong zoller,”
Which means “Glug-glug glug glug-glug glug.”

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man from hell,

There was a young man from hell,

Who tried to create a spell,

When it went wrong,

And he went ding dong,

Because he turned into a bell.

By Dr Geebers

There was a Young Person of Smyrna,

There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
But she seized on the cat,
And said, 'Granny, burn that!
You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!'

Edward Lear

There was a Young Lady whose bonnet,

There was a Young Lady whose bonnet,
Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
But she said: 'I don't care!
All the birds in the air
Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!'

Edward Lear

There was a old man from Berlin,

There was a old man from Berlin,

Who didn't know where to begin,

When seeing a cat,

Getting chased by a bat,

He wondered what world he was in.

By Dr Geebers

There was an old man of Dumbree,

There was an old man of Dumbree,
Who taught little owls to drink tea;
For he said, 'To eat mice,
Is not proper or nice'
That amiable man of Dumbree.

Edward Lear

GrahamLester.com

There was an Old Man on a hill,

There was an Old Man on a hill, Who seldom, if ever, stood still; He ran up and down, In his Grandmother's gown, Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

 

Edward Lear

There was a young man called Tim,

There was a young man called Tim,

Who tripped over a rolling pin,

Then fell through a hedge,

In furious rage,

And landed head first in a bin.

By Dr Geebers

An intrepid explorer named Petty

An intrepid explorer named Petty
Intended to capture a yeti,
But the yeti yelled, “Freeze!
I’ve a gun—on your knees,
While my Dad gets the ring and confetti.”

GrahamLester.com

There was an Old Man with a nose,

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, 'If you choose to suppose,
That my nose is too long,
You are certainly wrong!'
That remarkable Man with a nose.

Edward Lear

There was a young man called Ross,

There was a young man called Ross,

Who always got real cross,

When having to work,

The stupid young jerk,

And then he got sacked by his boss.

By Dr Geebers

There was once a young girl who said : "Why

There was once a young girl who said : "Why
Can't I look in my ear with my eye?
If I put my mind to it
I'm sure I can do it.
You never can tell till you try."

GrahamLester.com

There was a Young Lady of Ryde,

There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied.
She purchased some clogs,
And some small spotted dogs,
And frequently walked about Ryde.

Edward Lear

There was an Old Man with a beard,

There was an Old Man with a beard,

Who said, 'It is just as I feared!

Two Owls and a Hen,

Four Larks and a Wren,

Have all built their nests in my beard!'

Edward Lear

A peach-picking foreman named Rick

A peach-picking foreman named Rick
Runs a peach-picking outfit that's slick.
Each day, to a man,
They pick all that they can,
And each night they can eat all that they pick.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man called Roger,

There was a young man called Roger,

Who was the perfect lodger,

Until oh crumbs,

Death did come,

After eating a jammie dodger.

By Dr Geebers

A funny young fellow named Perkins

A funny young fellow named Perkins
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety three
And pickled his internal workings.

GrahamLester.com

How to spell the potato has tried

How to spell the potato has tried
Many minds, sometimes mine, I’ll confide.
Though it may have an eye,
There’s no E – don’t ask why!
Not until it’s been baked, boiled or fried.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man called Mark,

There was a young man called Mark,

Who had a really big heart,

When seeing a man,

All covered in jam,

He shouted. "What’s up you tart".

By Dr Geebers

There was a young schoolboy of Rye,

There was a young schoolboy of Rye,
Who was baked by mistake in a pie.
To his mother’s disgust
He emerged through the crust,
And exclaimed, with a yawn, "Where am I?"

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man called Luke,

There was a young man called Luke,

Who was an outrageous crook,

No matter what,

He laughed a lot,

At all the things he took.

By Dr Geebers

Is Algebra fruitless endeavor?

Is Algebra fruitless endeavor?
It seems they’ve been trying for ever
To find x, y, and z
And it’s quite clear to me:
If they’ve not found them yet then they'll never.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man called Jack,

There was a young man called Jack,

Who stood on a garden rake,

Which punctured his soul,

With a gapping big hole,

And give him a heart attack.

By Dr Geebers

There once was a girl in the choir

There once was a girl in the choir
Whose voice rose up hoir and hoir,
Till it reached such a height
It went clear out of seight,
And they found it next day in the spoir.

GrahamLester.com

An ambitious young fellow named Matt

An ambitious young fellow named Matt
Tried to parachute using his hat.
Folks below looked so small
As he started to fall,
Then got bigger and bigger and SPLAT!

GrahamLester.com

There was a young lady from Leeds

There was a young lady from Leeds
Who swallowed a package of seeds.
Now this sorry young lass
Is quite covered in grass,
But has all the tomatoes she needs.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man called Hue,

There was a young man called Hue,

That didn't know what to do,

When out of the dark,

Came a great big shark,

And attacked him in his lue.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man called Hank,

There was a young man called Hank,

Who came to town in a tank,

With bubbles galore,

And fish by the score,

To deposit it in the towns bank.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man called Gerry,

There was a young man called Gerry,

Who was sucking on a strawberry,

When it got stuck in his throat,

He began to choke,

And died on the way to Derry.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man called Dave,

There was a young man called Dave,

Who thought he was courageous and brave,

While climbing a tree,

To get away from me,

He got hit by a ten foot wave.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man from Wales,

There was a young man from Wales,

Who was terribly afraid of snails,

When he seen one,

He decided to run,

While chewing on his finger nails.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man called Bill,

There was a young man called Bill,

Who got a hell of a thrill,

When seeing a fly,

Jump into his eye,

Then run out the door with the till.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man from Berlin,

There was a young man from Berlin,

Who got his head stuck in a bin,

While looking for his phone,

When hearing its tone,

With spaghetti all over his chin.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man in a sweater,

There was a young man in a sweater,

Whose life was getting better and better,

Along with his child,

Out in the wild,

Until a crocodile came and ate her.

By Dr Geebers