There once was a girl named Irene,

There once was a girl named Irene,

who lived on distilled kerosene.

But she started absorbin'

A new hydrocarbon,

And since then has never benzene!

Anom

There once was a fly on the wall

There once was a fly on the wall

I wonder why didn't it fall

Because its feet stuck

Or was it just luck

Or does gravity miss things so small?

Anom

There was a young lady of Ryde

There was a young lady of Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.

Anom

I once took our vicar to tea;

I once took our vicar to tea;

It was just as I thought it would be:

     His rumblings abdominal

     Were simply phenomenal,

And everyone thought it was me.

Anom

There was a young lady named Kite

There was a young lady named Kite

Whose speed was much faster than light.

She left home one day

In a relative way

 And returned on the previous night. 

Anom

An unfortunate girl of Algiers,

An unfortunate girl of Algiers,
Who was constantly weeping for years,
Saved the drops in a tank
That she kept in a bank,
Till some safe-breakers burst into tears.

Anom

A war correspondent named Guido

A war correspondent named Guido
Was struck by a flying torpedo,
So they called up his boss,
Who deployed the Red Cross--
They found only a sleeveless tuxedo!

Anom

There was an old man with a beard

There was an old man with a beard
Who said, "it's just how i feared!-
Two owls and a hen
Four larks and a wren
Have all built their nests in my beard.

Anom

There was once a smelly Queen

There was once a smelly Queen
Who was just naturally mean
Back in those days, they never took baths
In which they had to face terrible wraths:
They all smelled like rotton beans.

Anom

There once was a man from Peru

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright

In the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true.

Anom

There once was a boy named Dan,

There once was a boy named Dan,
who wanted to fry in a pan.
He tried and he tried,
and eventually died,
that weird little boy named Dan.

Anom

There once was an artist named Saint,

There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint.

Anom

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM TIBET

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM TIBET
WHO COULDN'T FIND A CIGARRETT
SO HE SMOKED ALL HIS SOCKS
AND GOT CHICKEN-POCKS
AND HAD TO GO TO THE VET

Anom

THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED BRIGHT

THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED BRIGHT
WHOSE SPEED WAS MUCH FASTER THAN LIGHT
SHE SET OUT ONE DAY
IN A RELATIVE WAY
AND RETURNED ON THE PREVIOUS NIGHT

Anom

A bather whose clothing was strewed,

A bather whose clothing was strewed,

By winds that left her quite nude,

Saw a man come along,

And unless we are wrong,

You expected this line to be lewd.

Anom

A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,

A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,

Really liked playing with fire.

One night in the dark

He swam with a shark,

And his voice is now two octaves higher.

Anom

A limerick fan from Australia

A limerick fan from Australia

regarded his work as a failure:

his verses were fine

until the fourth line

?

Anom

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,

When asked at what hour he'd dine,

     Replied, "At eleven,     

At three, five, and seven,

And eight and a quarter past nine.

Anom

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,

My wife's just had twins,, ain't that nice.

But the Bishop said, "Father,

in future I'd rather,

you abstained, or were not naughty twice."

Anom

'Tis a favourite project of mine,

'Tis a favourite project of mine,

A new value of pi to assign.

I would fix it at 3,

For it's simpler, you see,

Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

Anom