There was a young tramp so sweet

There was a young tramp so sweet

Who lived out on the street

With holes in his shoes

Reading the news

Because he couldn't stand the heat

There was a big coat on a doll

There was a big coat on a doll

Which didn't have far to fall

When along came a pig

Wearing a pink wig

And used it to clean  the hall

There was a young ant in a million

There was a young ant in a million

Who liked to go to the pavillion

To see many an act

With a big cheque

Which was worth a billion

There was a young bear so wild

There was a young bear so wild

Who roared at many a child

Then went in for the attack

Make no mistake

And had to have his teeth filed

There was a banana in a tree

There was a banana in a tree

Who thought he was lucky you see

When along came a monkey

On top of a donkey

And ate him quickly for tea

There was a fast car on the road

There was a fast car on the road

Which was carrying a really big load

When hitting a hole

It careered up a pole

And decided to really explode

There was a young woman with tits

There was a young woman with tits

Who liked to show her bits

When along came a snake

And jumped in her sack

And gave her the bloody well shits

There was a young woman so dumb

There was a young woman so dumb

Who took it right up the bum

Who screamed out loud

In the middle of the crowd

And her face got covered in cum

Be Prepared To Laugh Out Loud (5) limericks

Be Prepared To Laugh Out Loud (4) limericks

Be Prepared To Laugh Out Loud (3) limericks

Be Prepared To Laugh Out Loud (6)

Be Prepared To Laugh Out Loud (2)

There was a young lad who loved art

There was a young lad who loved art

Who let out an incredable big fart

It was that big

It sunk an oil rig

And stopped his bloody well heart

Dr Geebers

There was a young brat insane

There was a young brat insane

Who liked to cause everyone pain

So he took out a bat

And gave it all that

And now hes got absolute fame

Dr Geebers

There was a young goat a fool

There was a young goat a fool

Who never went to school

With spraycan in hand

He traveled the land

Showing the world whos COOL

Dr Geebers

There was a young man with a gun

There was a young man with a gun

Who was really on the run

When along came a dog

Playing leap frog

And bit him on the bum

Dr Geebers

There was a young man called Tim

There was a young man called Tim

Who really wanted to be thin

So he took some smack

And a little bit of crack

And ended up in a wheelie bin

Dr Geebers

There was a young man so smug

There was a young man so smug

Who thought that he was a real thug

When up popped a flea

With an honours degree

And hit him on the head with a jug

Dr Geebers

There was a young buffalo so thick

There was a young buffalo so thick

He charged at a rotton old stick

Not seeing the train

Drive over his brain

And the vultures are giving him a lick

By Dr Geebers

There was a young boy so bad

There was a young boy so bad

Who really hated his dad

So he stole his car

And drove it far

Along with the money he had

By Dr Geebers

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED HOPE

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED HOPE
WHO TRIED TO LOOK YOUNG USING SOAP.
WHEN HER SKIN LOOKED QUITE OLD,
SHE RECALLED WHAT SHE'D BEEN TOLD,
THAT HER BEAUTY WAS ONLY SKIN DOPE!!

Aurthers Limericks

A STAGE STRUCK TEENAGER NAMED HUGH

A STAGE STRUCK TEENAGER NAMED HUGH
TOOK NIGHT CLASSES TO LEARN SOME KUNG FU.
HE SAID "YOU WILL SEE
I'M A SECOND BRUCE LEE"
HIS PARENTS SAID "A SECOND BRUCE WHO?"

Aurthers Limericks

I KNEW A YOUNG GIRL CALLED ELAINE

I KNEW A YOUNG GIRL CALLED ELAINE
WHO SPENT HER EARLY YEARS IN DEEP PAIN.
"MY NAME IS OLD FASHIONED,
I WANT SOMETHING PASSIONED,
I WANT TO GET CHRISTENED AGAIN"

Aurthers Limericks

THERE IS A YOUNG LADY NAMED ROSE

THERE IS A YOUNG LADY NAMED ROSE
WHO HAS MUSIC WHEREVER SHE GOES.
EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY
AT HER WORK, HOME AND PLAY,
HER WALKMAN KEEPS HER TAPPING HER TOES!!

Aurthers Limericks

The Maynooth Limerick Song

Reid Wilson & His So-Called Friends- The Dirty Limerick Song

The Limerick Song

There was two back-country geezers

There was two back-country geezers

Who got porcupine quills up their sneezers

They sat beak to beak

For more than a week

Working over each other with tweezers

Brownielocks.com

There was a lady named Sue

There was a lady named Sue

Who had nothing whatever to do

And who did it so badly

I thought she would gladly

Have stopped before she was through

Brownielocks.com

There was a young housewife from Des Plaines,

There was a young housewife from Des Plaines,
Who was playing with the family's Great Dane,
She said to her daughter,
'Bring a bucket of water,
I'm afraid that we're hung up again

Extremely Funny

An elderly roue named Clyde

An elderly roue named Clyde
Took an an eighteen year old as a bride
They took the old lecher
Out on a stretcher
But as he left he was smiling with pride

Extremely Funny

There once was a consumer named Phil

Submitted By: Pat Bents

There once was a consumer named Phil
Who really wanted to kill
A sly young vendor
Who mad him a big spender
And gave him a very large bill.

Loony Limericks

There was a young lady one fall

Submitted By: Bob

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

Loony Limericks





There one was a man from Peru,

Submitted By: LAURA BLACK

There one was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,
he awoke with a fright,
in the middle of the night,
and found that his dream had come true!

Loony Limericks

There was a young woman named Bright

(author unknown)There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Loony Limericks

In a castle that had a deep moat

Submitted By: Merriam
In a castle that had a deep moat
Lived a chicken a duck and a goat.
They wanted to go out
And wander about
But all they needed was a boat.

Loony Limericks

There once was a girl named Irene,

There once was a girl named Irene,

who lived on distilled kerosene.

But she started absorbin'

A new hydrocarbon,

And since then has never benzene!

Anom

There was a young man called Gus,

There was a young man called Gus,

Who never made any fuss?

When along came a flea,

That annoyed him you see,

And now he's in an upside down bus.

Dr Geebers

There was a young man with a cheque,

There was a young man with a cheque,

Who bounced it by mistake?

It bounced so hard,

The cheque got barred,

For being a pain in the neck.

Dr Geebers

There once was a fly on the wall

There once was a fly on the wall

I wonder why didn't it fall

Because its feet stuck

Or was it just luck

Or does gravity miss things so small?

Anom

There was a young man with a bike,

There was a young man with a bike,

Who rode it without a light,

When up a tree,

A monkey did see,

And sprinkled him with some delight.

Dr Geebers

There was a young lady of Ryde

There was a young lady of Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.

Anom

I once took our vicar to tea;

I once took our vicar to tea;

It was just as I thought it would be:

     His rumblings abdominal

     Were simply phenomenal,

And everyone thought it was me.

Anom

If you’re lacking a little good cheer,

If you’re lacking a little good cheer,
Go and tickle a bull in the rear,
For I’m sure that the rumor
That they’ve no sense of humor
Is a product of ignorant fear.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young lady named Kite

There was a young lady named Kite

Whose speed was much faster than light.

She left home one day

In a relative way

 And returned on the previous night. 

Anom

There was a young lass from Australia

There was a young lass from Australia

Who painted her ass like a Dahlia

The shape it was fine

And the color devine

But the aroma--well, that was a faihlia 

Maurie Houseman

There was a young man with a beard,

There was a young man with a beard,

Who vanished and disappeared,

Into the sky,

But who knows why,

As everyone else they cheered.

Dr Geebers

Create a crazy limerick to link to your site.

Yes heres a chance to get your web site noticed.

Create a limerick, a five line poem about anything and send it along with details of your website to drgeebersthepebbleman@hotmail.co.uk

Only the best limericks will be considered.

Maybe your a poet/writer/musician or just a normal blogger.

This is for all of you so get writing.

Follow my blog or subscribe to it and who knows you might start getting more hits than you can imagine.

The more Limericks you write the more I can post and the more your website gets mentioned.

There was a dear lady of Eden,

There was a dear lady of Eden,
Who on apples was quite fond of feedin';
She gave one to Adam,
Who said, "Thank you, Madam,"

And then both skedaddled from Eden.

Laughoutloud.com

There was a young man, who was witty,

There was a young man, who was witty,

Who came to London City?

To see the sights,

Oh yes that’s right,

With blindness oh what a pity.

Dr Geebers

A painter, who lived in Great Britain,

A painter, who lived in Great Britain,
Interrupted two girls with their knittin'
He said, with a sigh,
"That park bench--well I
Just painted it, right where you're sittin.'"

Laughoutloud.com

There was a young man, who was telling,

There was a young man, who was telling,

His customers what he was selling?

With nose like a ball,

And soap on his stall,

Why couldn't he tell he was smelling.

Dr Geebers

There was a young man, who was right,

There was a young man, who was right,

About everything he seen day and night,

Until it just came,

With no one to blame,

And stole his bloody eye sight.

Dr Geebers

A silly young man from Clyde

A silly young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied
When asked, "Who is dead?"
He giggled and said,
"I don't know; I just came for the ride."

Laughoutloud.com

There once was a child in spain

There once was a child in spain
Who loved to play in the rain
One day he tripped
And broke his hip
Now he is in serious pain.

LaughoutLoud.com

There was a young man, who was old,

There was a young man, who was old,

Who got a real bad cold?

When coughing away,

And sneezing each day,

His bogies became solid as gold.

Dr Geebers

There was a young man who was daft,

There was a young man who was daft,

Who built an invisible raft,

To float on the sea,

To say Jesus was he,

But it flipped, he drowned and they laughed.

Dr Geebers

An unfortunate girl of Algiers,

An unfortunate girl of Algiers,
Who was constantly weeping for years,
Saved the drops in a tank
That she kept in a bank,
Till some safe-breakers burst into tears.

Anom

This is the link to Crazy Limericks 4 U

This is the link to Crazy Limericks 4 U. http://crazylimericks4u.blogspot.com/.

Hope you all enjoy these crazy limericks for many artists.

If you would like your limerick on this page please email it to drgeebersthepebbleman@hotmail.co.uk .

I will put it up with a link to your site.

A schoolboy named Jeremy Hoff

A schoolboy named Jeremy Hoff
Found a little green man in his broth,
Who yelled, “Save me, don’t frown
I need help or I’ll drown”--
Then they both needed time to cool off.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man, who was bold,

There was a young man, who was bold,

That was dying so he was told,

So he wrote out a will,

For his son Bill,

To leave him his bloody well cold.

Dr Geebers

Check out loads more Limericks on my blog Crazy Limericks 4 U from many well known artists and even some of my own work. Please enjoy.

There was a young man a sinner

There was a young man a sinner

Who thought he was a lottery winner,

So he jumped in the air,

Like he didn't care,

And slipped and fell in his dinner.

Dr Geebers

A war correspondent named Guido

A war correspondent named Guido
Was struck by a flying torpedo,
So they called up his boss,
Who deployed the Red Cross--
They found only a sleeveless tuxedo!

Anom

There was a young man, who did linger,

There was a young man, who did linger,

While pointing out with his finger,

So along came a hatchet,

And cut it and scratched it,

And now he looks a dead ringer

Dr Geebers

There was a bold pirate of Boulder

There was a bold pirate of Boulder
Whose cutlass was slung from his shoulder.
He’d mighty fine notions
Of plundering oceans,
But his mom said: “Perhaps, when you’re older.”

GrahamLester.com

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd

A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
She was frightened, it must be allowed,
Soon a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed

Anom

There was a young man from Brazil,

There was a young man from Brazil,

Who climbed up to the top of a hill,

When looking down,

The stupid big clown,

He froze, from the shock of the thrill.

Dr Geebers

There was an old man with a beard

There was an old man with a beard
Who said, "it's just how i feared!-
Two owls and a hen
Four larks and a wren
Have all built their nests in my beard.

Anom

There was a young man so hazy,

There was a young man so hazy,

Who was completely lazy,

When doing the splits,

He had us in bits,

Because he was totally crazy

Dr Geebers

There was once a smelly Queen

There was once a smelly Queen
Who was just naturally mean
Back in those days, they never took baths
In which they had to face terrible wraths:
They all smelled like rotton beans.

Anom

There once was a man from Peru

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright

In the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true.

Anom

There was a young man shouting peace,

There was a young man shouting peace,

So everyone could hear at least,

Until getting attacked,

As matter of fact,

By a big gaggle of geese.

Dr Geebers

There was a young man on the telly,

There was a young man on the telly,

Who had a really big belly,

When jumping around,

It bounced up and down,

Like a big wobbly jelly.

Dr Geebers

There once was a boy named Dan,

There once was a boy named Dan,
who wanted to fry in a pan.
He tried and he tried,
and eventually died,
that weird little boy named Dan.

Anom

There once was an artist named Saint,

There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint.

Anom

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM TIBET

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM TIBET
WHO COULDN'T FIND A CIGARRETT
SO HE SMOKED ALL HIS SOCKS
AND GOT CHICKEN-POCKS
AND HAD TO GO TO THE VET

Anom

There was a young man on the edge,

There was a young man on the edge,

Of a ten foot building with a wedge,

When walking along,

He put a foot wrong,

And lost all his money in rage.

Dr Geebers

There was a young man on a phone,

There was a young man on a phone,

Who shouted with an incredible tone,

"You stupid brat,

Why do that,

Why hit me on the head with a stone".

Dr Geebers

The bicycling poodle he saw

The bicycling poodle he saw
Made the cop on the beat drop his jaw;
It was easy to tell
That it rode rather well,
Though its hand signals truly were paw.

GrahamLester.com

THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED BRIGHT

THERE ONCE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED BRIGHT
WHOSE SPEED WAS MUCH FASTER THAN LIGHT
SHE SET OUT ONE DAY
IN A RELATIVE WAY
AND RETURNED ON THE PREVIOUS NIGHT

Anom

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM NANTUCKET

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM NANTUCKET
WHO KEPT ALL HIS CASH IN A BUCKET
BUT HIS DAUGHTER NAMED NAN
RAN AWAY WITH A MAN
AND AS FOR THE BUCKET, NAN TUCKET

Anom

A bather whose clothing was strewed,

A bather whose clothing was strewed,

By winds that left her quite nude,

Saw a man come along,

And unless we are wrong,

You expected this line to be lewd.

Anom

A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,

A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,

Really liked playing with fire.

One night in the dark

He swam with a shark,

And his voice is now two octaves higher.

Anom

A limerick fan from Australia

A limerick fan from Australia

regarded his work as a failure:

his verses were fine

until the fourth line

?

Anom

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,

When asked at what hour he'd dine,

     Replied, "At eleven,     

At three, five, and seven,

And eight and a quarter past nine.

Anom

There was a young man on a farm,

There was a young man on a farm,

Who only had one arm,

When counting his sheep,

The stupid young creep,

He pulled one with his charm.

Dr Geebers

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,

My wife's just had twins,, ain't that nice.

But the Bishop said, "Father,

in future I'd rather,

you abstained, or were not naughty twice."

Anom

There Once was a Man called Reg

There Once was a Man called Reg

Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge

Along came his wife

With a big Carving Knife

And cut off his meat and two veg

Matt Barton

There was a young man from Peru,

There was a young man from Peru,

That was hungry for something new,

When seeing his chance,

He made his advance,

And got ate by a lion he knew.

Dr Geebers

There was a young girl from Rabat,

There was a young girl from Rabat,

who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;

It was fun in the breeding,

But hell in the feeding,

When she found she had no tit for Tat.

Terry Walsh

'Tis a favourite project of mine,

'Tis a favourite project of mine,

A new value of pi to assign.

I would fix it at 3,

For it's simpler, you see,

Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

Anom

There once was a sculptor named Phideous

There once was a sculptor named Phideous

Whose sculptures by most were thought hideous

He carved Aphrodite

Without even a nightie

Which shocked all the fussy fastidious

Natalie Moffitt

There once was this guy named Stan

There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran

Anom

There was a young man who looked like a bee,

There was a young man who looked like a bee,

When buzzing around for all to see,

With hands in the air,

And feet on his chair,

While sipping away on his rosy lee.

Dr Geebers

The was an old man of the isles

The was an old man of the isles

Who suffered severely from pisles

He couldn’t sit down

Without a deep frown

So he had to row standing for misles

Natalie Moffitt 

THERE ONCE WAS A FARMER FROM LEEDS

THERE ONCE WAS A FARMER FROM LEEDS
WHO SWALLOWED A PACKET OF SEEDS
IT SOON CAME TO PASS
HE WAS COVERED WITH GRASS
BUT HAS ALL THE TOMATOES HE NEEDS

Anom

There was a young man out at sea,

There was a young man out at sea,

Who wanted to go for a pee,

So he pulled down his zip,

And let it go rip,

Until a crocodile ate it for tea.

Dr Geebers

A fellow jumped off a high wall

A fellow jumped off a high wall
And had a most terrible fall
He went back to bed
With a bump on his head
That's why you don't jump off a wall

Anom

There was a young man in the mall,

There was a young man in the mall,

Who thought that he knew it all,

When along came a kid,

With a masterful bid,

And kicked him in the head with a ball.

Dr Geebers

There once was a young boy named Nick

There once was a young boy named Nick
Who by chance was always being kicked
He tried not to fight
For he was smart, kind and bright
So he learned how to run really quick

Anom

There once was a man stuck in a stall

There once was a man stuck in a stall
He tried to get out but would fall
One day a man flushed
The fat man just blushed
And quickly ran out of the mall

Anom

I know an old owl named Boo,

I know an old owl named Boo,
Every night he yelled "Hoo,"
Once a kid walked by,
And started to cry,
And yelled "I don't have a clue!"

Anom

Linda Blair with great favour confessed,

Linda Blair with great favour confessed,

She'd been exorcised, thus finding rest,

But alack and alas

Her old demon came back

and now the poor girl's repossessed.

Dick Lamb

The limerick is furtive and mean

The limerick is furtive and mean

You must keep her in close quarantine

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

C Alan Reber

There was a young man in a house,

There was a young man in a house,

Who had an incredible spouse,

When sprouting some wings,

And gobbling at things,

She knew he was after the mouse.

Dr Geebers

An elephant slept in his bunk,

An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored -- how he snored!
All the other beasts roared-
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man in a thong,

There was a young man in a thong,

Who was incredibly strong,

When lifting a weight,

Up nice and straight,

It snapped and showed his ding dong.

Dr Geebers

There was an Old Man in a tree,

There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'

Edward Lear

There was a young man in trouble,

There was a young man in trouble,

Who fell into a pile of rubble,

Then got attacked by some ants,

Who took down his pants,

And stole them on the double.

Dr Geebers

A schoolboy more cheeky than clever

A schoolboy more cheeky than clever
Stroked his teacher to death with a feather.
Though it was a fowl deed,
All the jury agreed,
Were it not for the laughs he’d have never.

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man on a bike,

There was a young man on a bike,

Or was it a three wheeled trike,

Who flew down the road,

And hit a poor toad,

And ended up impaled on a spike.

Dr Geebers

There was a young fellow named Flynn

There was a young fellow named Flynn
Who was really remarkably thin.
When he carried a pole
People said, “Bless my soul!
What a shock to find out you’ve a twin.”

GrahamLester.com

There was a young man in a boat,

There was a young man in a boat,

Who wanted to keep it a float,

So he made it some wings,

From branches and things,

Then tied it to his coat.

Dr Geebers

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey, Who made a remarkable curtsey; She twirled round and round, Till she sunk underground, Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

 

Edward Lear

A circus performer named Brian

A circus performer named Brian
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.

GrahamLester.com

There was an Old Man with a gong,

There was an Old Man with a gong, Who bumped at it all day long; But they called out, 'O law! You're a horrid old bore!' So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

 

Edward Lear

There was a young man in a plane,

There was a young man in a plane,

Who lost control of his brain,

When turning right,

He got a fright,

When a bird did something insane.

By Dr Geebers

There was an Old Person of Chili,

There was an Old Person of Chili, Whose conduct was painful and silly, He sate on the stairs, Eating apples and pears, That imprudent Old Person of Chili. Edward Lear

There was a young man from the moon,

There was a young man from the moon,

Who came down in a hot air balloon,

Until he got closer,

To a stupid bulldozer,

And got ate by a crazy baboon.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man from Leeds,

There was a young man from Leeds,

Who fed his monkey with weeds,

Along with bananas,

And wrinkled sultanas,

But he never spanked him he pleads.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man from Japan,

There was a young man from Japan,

Who really didn't give a dam,

When seeing a ghost,

Upon his toast,

He ran and ran and ran.

By r Geebers